How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize