Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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