Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
