allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
