I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
