Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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