guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What a dumb baby whore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
