I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
