I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
did i just pee glitter
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
