his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize