really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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