no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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