I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
