pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
