Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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