If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
