I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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