Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
