my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize