i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
