I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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