You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
