I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
