i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So vagazzling was a success
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
