Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bring money and cleavage
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
