The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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