I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
