why didn't you poke me back
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
