i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want a musical about memes.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize