Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
