she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
