Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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