Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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