I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
