just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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