:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize