dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
