I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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