Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
