after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
