I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
