i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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