you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we should paint friendship bongs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
