just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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