it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
