you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
