margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
