Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize