forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
