My hand turned me down
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
