I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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