I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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