i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
