i jhust puked up my retainher.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
