i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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