I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
