Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
