I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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