i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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