dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
