i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
