I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He shit in the fireplace
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
