So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
false alarm. still invincible.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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