Whod you bang
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
