If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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