I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize