how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
